Crimson Clover
by DeathNoteLover235
Summary: As a darkening feeling slowly takes over an editor from the the Emerald department, he is left feeling a desolate waste. What will he do, to remove what he cannot hide, cannot fight, and cannot out RUN!
1. Crimson Clover

I tumble  
I fall  
I sway in the breeze  
I pick myself up  
To fail  
With no ease  
I weep In the corner  
I cut in the dark  
Hoping I will feel  
My long lost heart  
Streams of crimson  
With scent of clover  
When will this nightmare  
Ever be over  
- DNL235

As I walk home I sense a growing pit inside my stomach. It's finally the end of the cycle, and I am exhausted. Yet there is something different this time compared to the others, i feel dead on my feet. I shake it off, that's normal to, I always feel depressed after never handing my manuscript by deadline. Still there is something else gnawing at me, I can't describe it, but I can feel it. This dark urge.

Finally making it up all those stairs I reach my apartment. I was pissed when I read the broken sign on the elevator doors, just my luck.I'm running on fumes as it is. Better not over exert to much, or I'll never make it. As I open the door I feel a sense of relief, tomorrow is Saturday and I can sleep in. Taking off my coat, then place my bag on the couch and throw the coat somewhere, anywhere as long as i don't have to work and put it away. I walk into the kitchen about to make something, but fail in my Attempt to make food. My stomach cries out desperately desiring me to feed it, but I don't have the strength.

As I walk out of the kitchen I'm aware of a sinking feeling, the void from earlier in more profound and its not because I haven't eaten. My body wants the Nutrients, the warm full feeling, but my mind won't let me. I trudge to the bedroom removing varies garments on my way. I lay down ready for blissful slumber to take me away, I close my eyes just waiting. I open them and stare out towards the clock, it's been six minutes. I close them again, hoping that the over used, worn out Adrenaline rush will die down. Tossing and turning still unable to slip into dream land I open my eyes for the second time to see its been three hours and six minutes. Why can't I sleep, I was dead on my feet. I feel it, I need it, but somehow I CAN'T have it.

I wake up swearing to a ringing phone, it's my epitome. I don't answer, he's the man I have dreamt of. My prince, my love, not only his looks but his personality as well. I have always been plagued with an urge of irresistible men. Slipping into bed with anyone that caught my fancy, but those days are over, now that he's here. There's a spark there, so why didn't I answer? Cause that bastard called me in the middle of the night! Looking at the clock he realizes is late afternoon. Crap, it's me not him. We have a date and i forgot! How could I have been so stupid? I get up kicking my self, guilt ridden. I just have to call him back, but I cant do that. He'll ask why I didn't answer, what would I say? I can't lie, but I can't tell the truth either. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Maybe I should make some food. Before I over think myself to death - DEATH? Why does that word make me feel tranquil. That's an atrocious thought, I mustn't contemplate such extreme measures. Yet I linger at the thought swirling in my mind,what if I did? I am just a vacant carcass anyway, is this what I've been feeling? I have been devoid of emotion, gloomy, but that's normal. Isn't it? It can't be, especially not since I have Him. Then again what am i? Nothing more then an experiment, a play thing to satisfy his desires. What if he becomes weary of me, disposes of me like over used tissue? He has ample amount of reason to abandon me, yet none to stay.

It's too early, or should I say it's to late in the day to decipher my obscure thinking pattern. He walks into the kitchen, I should make food this time. He walks out only had made a pot of coffee. I'm to lazy to make anything, even boiling water seems like to much. I overslept, yet I still feel depleted of energy, emotion, love.

He walks into the bathroom and turns on the shower. Having finished his sixth cup of coffee. Waiting for the water to heat up to his desired temperature, he removes the little bit of cloth covering his body. " I forgot something," he walks out of the bathroom into the kitchen and back. Putting his hand in the water, then gets in allowing the warmth to envelop his body satisfying the absence of human comfort. Lowing himself, sitting, as the downpour cleanses his body of a undesired substance. A heavy flow of tainted water, swirls down the drain. Until its overflowing with crimson liquid, staining the white porcelain tube.

" So many questions  
So little time  
So what will I do  
With what's left  
Of my mind?"  
- DNL235


	2. False Hope

Loneliness  
It fills the emptiness inside  
Consumed  
Prey to Predator  
There's no place  
For me to hide  
No place far  
Or wide  
Even with grins  
I cannot hide  
Captured  
Confined  
Slaughtered  
Denied  
- DNL235

I can't believe he didn't answers the phone, maybe he forgot. He WOULD never do that, something must be wrong. I find myself outside his apartment deathly worried about my pride and joy. I set out for a walk to calm my nerves to find myself here, subconsciously, or is it? No it's intentional, I need him. More importantly I sure he needs me. Don't ask me how, it's just a feeling deep down inside. A feeling I refuse to ignore!

I race up the stairs, damn elevator is broken, AT A TIME LIKE THIS. I shouldn't worry, he probably is just tired, he must have just woken up late. Im sure that's it, it's the only possible reason he wouldn't answer my phone call, OR all my texts. That's it, cause there could be no other alternative, at least none I'm willing to consider. I mean he would call me, wouldn't he? YES, of course he would, but then why do i have a pit in my stomach? Stop doubting yourself! We're soul mates,there's nothing to fear, or am I just trying to convince myself. Deluding myself, thinking if I say it enough, believe hard enough that its true. I can't jump to conclusions, I will know for certain soon.

Holy hell there is a lot of steep steps, why isn't there more then one elevator in a place this size. I mean REALLY, how many people live here. Yet there is only one elevator among them all. No matter I'm nearly there. I hasten to his apartment door, regaining my composer before I knock on the portal. I would hate to embarrass myself if nothing is wrong, but what if there IS something wrong. Snap out of it, it NOT possible.

At first I gently tap on the door, idiot he wouldn't be able to hear that. So I knock louder this time, with no response. Concern taking over I begin pounding on the gateway between him and I. I wonder if he's home, I stop. Then try thinking logically, of course he is, it's Saturday. As my imagination overwhelms me I begin thinking horrific thoughts. How dense am I , I have a key.

He opens the entry way, barging in. Ignoring formalities, leaving the gateway open. Only concerned for the matter at hand, HIS LOVE. Nothing else matter, let alone closing a door. Franticly searching for his love, until he hears water running. He checks the kitchen, then realizes it the shower running.

I dash into the restroom, stunned by the travesty my eyes are witnessing. I'm frozen, as his essence slips down the drain. I quickly run to his aid, as I shout his name " KISA"  
His lovers features ghost white, as he slips away.

" DON'T LEAVE ME, I LOVE YOU. KISA... I LOVE YOU." Shouting as he embraces his other half. Ripping his dress shirt sleeves, binding the cracks in his lovers forearms that are allowing him to leave.

Barely conscious Kisa lifts his heavily eyelids, he silently utters " Kou... I'm sorry," as his voice deserts him, he peacefully drifts off into the land of nod.

Kou cries out " NO, DON'T LEAVE ME. I WON'T ALLOW THIS. HOLD ON, PLEASE HOLD ON, PLEASE FOR ME," begging, pleading for his one an only to fight, desperation seeping out every word. He's lost , split between the desire to coddle his love, and taking drastic action.

He lifts his fragile body, from the pool of blood, ignoring ' IT' as it drenches his clothing, staining the light fabric with his partners life force. As an adrenaline a rush kicks in, along with pure instinct, he doesn't question this primal feeling inside. Only opens himself to it, desperately desiring to cheat fate.

Swift as the wind, gliding as he descends the staircase. Quicker then when he ascended, knowing that it matter more then ever. Racing against time, as he reaches his destination. Pushing past noisy neighbors, delicately placing Kisa on the gurney, medics swarm accessing the situation.

Inserting an IV in to the disappearing veins. Unwrapping the make shift tourniquet, replacing and bandaging the gaping wounds with gauze. Pumping in fluids as fast as they will go. Shoving the gurney inside the ambulance, then they hop into the ambulance " sir are you coming, if so we need to leave NOW!"

Stunned by the withering body in front of him, he jumps inside. His body shivering as the adrenaline fades away, just like the broken person in front of him. Grabbing hold of himself, demanding this nightmare to only be a dream. A dream he will wake from, just one pinch away.

" Sir, what happened" unaware of the request for information from the man next to him. Kou is startled when the man places a hand on his shoulder, encouraging him to speak up," sir, what happened?" Repeats the medic.

" I ... Don't know" he replies, his voice raspy and shaky, nearly nonexistent. " I found him this way." Warm liquid streams down his cheeks. As he watches his lover slowly slip from his grasp, feeling helpless. Knowing he can't do anything, praying he was fast enough, soon enough, only wishing that he wasn't to late.

The slow but steady beat, halts, as a alarm wails, alerting the medic.  
" FLAT LINE, hurry! We're losing him" yells the medic to his companion in front driving. Clasping is hands together on Kisa chest, compressing them in a constant rhythm. Beating the chest, hoping to regain a pulse. Grabbing a pair of handles form the wall " clear" shocking Kisa body causing it to convulse. " no good, again, CLEAR" the medic breaths a sigh of relief when a weak beat returns.

This is all my fault, I should have been there, I should have known. I never should have left his side. Why couldn't I have been there, I could have convinced him he's loved. I could've STOPPED him. I only hope I made it I time...but what if I DIDN'T?

**Everything She Wants**

_If my best isn't good enough,  
Then how  
Can it be good enough  
For two_  
- Wham/ George Michael


	3. Abandonment

Left alone  
No one to care  
No one to love  
No one to dare  
To Inquire  
What Im thinking of  
If they did  
Though I doubt  
They would know the ache inside  
That I have not learned  
To live without  
- DNL235

I wake up, blinded by bright white. I cover my eyes, as they adjust, I swear I can hear something... No someone. I remove my hand, that is sheltering my overwhelmed vision. I see spots, as it clears. I see extremely white walls, not the bright light I was hoping for. I look at my wrists, they are wrap, there are pink stains in the gauze. I am disoriented, as my senses come back one at a time.

Next I hear a soft beep, accompanied by a faint call. Someone is crying out my name. As my ears begin to ring, I closes my eyes tide, cupping my hands over my delicate ears. As the faint beep, gets louder, and louder, as I cry out in pain.

Until i fell my body being shaken, a firm grip on my upper arms. Worried but curious I slowly open my eyes to see a familiar face, contorted features, covered with concern.

" what's wrong?" The voice is soft, it's a sheer delight, drowning out the rest of the wails in my head.

" Its too loud" I squeal, as I begin to thrash about, pleading for the it to stop. Door opens, as I hear a commotion that I try and ignore, but its so LOUD! Sharp pain in my head, as i continue to cry out in pain. My hearing still dangerously sensitive, until the outraging, loud beeping ceases. An unknown force physically demands me to return to my back, from my side. As a cold, circular object is planted on my chest.

Unaware of who, or what there doing I begin to panic, the screeching sound returns. As I gasp for air, I hear a voice " Shouta, calm down. Everything will be fine, just relax" I try listening to the voice, inhaling deep breaths, commanding me nerves to settle down. As the aggravating noise disappears, my body releases the tense feeling it was clinging to.

The door swings open, then closes once more. I lower my hands from my ears, placing them at my side. Seeing blackness, forgetting my eyes are shut tight. As I settle back into reality. I feel a warmth in my hand, I look down to view someone is holding mine, in theirs.

As I look up I see a gentle smile appear on his elegant face. I'm filled to the brim with joy seeing his beautiful features. Until it fades away, as his hand wipes away the tears strolling down my bright checks , i was so mesmerized by his face, that i was unaware of the steady fall of water droplets form my eyes.

He momentarily lets go of my hand, pulls up a chair near my bedside, then sits down. Grabbing my hand once more. He opens his mouth, then clasps it shut. I'm sure he is nervous, I just wish he would say something. Anything, even yelling would be better then this awkward silence, its tainting the air. I was about to break this battle of wills until.

" So how do you feel?"

I was shocked by his comment, I was sure he was going to get angry. " fine."

" Don't lie to me, if your where truly ' fine' you wouldn't have done what you did." His voice raising in volume.

Here's the anger I was looking for, but I can't answer his question. Because I don't really don't know myself. How can I explain what I don't comprehend? I'm just so confused, lost, scared. Because I don't think I want to know the truth. " I not sure, it's hard to explain"

His hold on my hand tightens " please try." He see the hesitation in my eyes, " Kisa, please try."

I take a deep breath, before I try to explain " I got home last night, tired, as usual. Yet there was something different. I FELT different, a heavily weight on my chest. I was just going through the motions. I was more then ready to be enveloped by sleep, but i couldn't. I wanted to, but COULDN'T. Your call woke me up, at first I was angry. Until I realized it was late afternoon. This dark feeling, it just kept GROWING inside." I stopped too scared to go on. I lower my head, ashamed of my actions, my selfishness. Truthfully, I wasn't thinking. I didn't think about my future, simply acted upon impulse. Most importantly I didn't want to hurt Kou, I love him. I'm just so afraid of being left behind, I've trusted before. I paid the price, this time I refuse to pay again.

As I lose myself in thought, his gentle, soft hand lifts my chin planting a delicate kiss on my dry lips, moistening mine with his. " Kisa, you can trust me. I understand your scared , but whatever you tell me, I won't let go. I won't judge. I LOVE YOU, there is no room in my heart for anything, except positive emotions for you."

He firmly embraces me, as I weep on his shoulder. I am more then scared, I am petrified. I may have survived this time, but it was only by divine grace. How can I trust, when every fiber of my being, tells me not to? How can I open up, when the mere idea of letting someone in makes me want to crawl into a corner? I love him SO much, without reason, without question, without doubt. That's what terrifies me the most, I'm being blinded by my emotions, my foolish desires. I perish the thought of leaving him, but if I give in, I will lose myself in him. My grand facade will slip away, my mask will crumble. I think the thing that I fear the most, is if I give in, if I lose myself, I WON'T care. I will be content, being whatever he wants me to be. What ever he NEEDS me to be.

Roses are red  
Violets are blue  
I hate this place  
Just like I hate you  
Your violent and cruel  
Obnoxious and rude  
But I don't give any tude  
I have committed no sin  
Though spite I receive  
I loathe my imprisonment  
But most I loathe thee  
My unjustly abuse  
From those I've caused no harm or ware.  
So why do they insist  
And continue to tear  
-DNL235


	4. Lost

My pleas go unheard  
My prays unanswered  
No one takes heed  
At my unnatural disaster  
In the shadows of the night  
I cry myself asleep  
Dreading the day  
As I think  
How much I will weep  
As I slowly fall asleep  
- DNL235

The doctors enters, checking the stats of my beloved, for the umpteenth time. I know his actions were serious, but not as dire as the doctors constant three minute inspections. I can imagine maybe a nurse, but never a doctor. Every time he come in, the knot in stomach consumes more, enlarging in mass, as it eats away any hope I have left.

I'm so scared, it has been four days since the dreadful moment when I found him. Lying in a dark burgundy pool, of his own blood. I haven't slept much, every time I close my eyes, I am haunted with the visions of him slipping away. I cry out for him to return to me, but it's goes unheard in the nearing, growing darkness. I find a match, only to be snuffed out, with all my hope of illuminating the pitch black within.

He hasn't stirred, hasn't awakened, not even a mumble. At this moment I would do anything just for him to serenade me with his sweet voice, to know beyond what the beeping of machines offer.

Lost in thought, failing to notice a gentle call from the outside world.

" Sir... Sir, you have been up for four days. What use to him will you be if you can't help yourself? Ignoring the doctors pleas to help, mumbles to himself, not registering that he is participating in a conversation whispers " whatever he needs me to be." He reaches out, grabbing hold of his lovers hand. Hoping his love, prays, and devotion will be enough to bring him back.

" Sir, if you change your mind,then there is a cot with your name on it." The doctor leaves, leaving the sick love birds all alone.

I just don't understand why he hasn't woken up by now. If this was like the fairy tales, I would simplify plant a delicate kiss on his neglected lips. Their just there, staring at me, begging to be reunited, with their partner... their other half. Yes, if only it was like the happily ever after tales. There would only be joy, love, and plenty of romance. I would be his prince, he would awaken in my arms. As I would embrace his warmth, how I have missed his touch. How I long for him to pass out in my arms, after a night of vigorous love making, like before. To awaken, and see his beautiful smile, as it brightens my day. Instead I'm filled with dread, longing, and regret. Regret for not being there, regret for being unable to ease his pain, most importantly I regret failing him; when he needed me the most.

While battling his internal struggle, Kou straightens in his seat when interesting thought passes through his mind.

I'll do it.

Standing, stretching his body over the still, fragile frame underneath him. Lowers his head, licking his lips, as he tries to steal a kiss. Until he notices fluttering of his darlings eyelids. Recoiling, returning to his chair. Witnessing a miracle before his eyes.

Oh my god, his eyes are opening, but there's something wrong. Plaster across is face, he is ! My love muffin looks at his wrists, then covers his eyes. I can only see half of his face, it's hidden by his hands. Until he desperately tries clogging his ears, clenching his eyes tight. He looks so adorable, no Yukina, matter at hand; looks later. I try calling out, but he doesn't seem to hear me. My heart is bouncing out of my chest. There's a new expression, instead of pain. Painted on his gorgeous features is confusion. Where the FUCK are the doctors when you need them?

I try calling out to him again. " what wrongs?"

" ITS...TO... LOUD" he replies through gritted teeth, crying out in pain. I'm so frantic, he begins to violently thrash in the bed. WHAT SHOULD I DO? I CAN'T leave his side, but CAN'T just let him continue to struggle in so much agony. The monitors start blaring, as doctors and nurses rush in. He cries out in pain again, louder, heart wrenching; taking a piece of my being. FINALLY except, wait, no... His heart is overloading. They put an oxygen mask over his lips. Appearing to have calmed down, one of the doctor rolls him to his back, checking his heartbeat manually.

Until he begins to panic, my heart drops as i watch him gasping for air. I dash to my honey bunches side, trying to calm him down " Shouta, calm down. Everything will be fine just relax." I say as soothingly as possible, pouring all my charm into turning my voice into verbal silk. I think he's listening to me, because he inhales deeply a few times, the monitors quiet down. He loosened his muscles, regaining stability.

Staff leave, as I keep a watchful over my prize possession. Lowering his hands, I take my chance, slipping my hand over his. From now on I will protect you, MY angel.  
He opens his eyes, gracing me with pools of chocolate gold. I try, but I can't help failing suppressing a grin.

My grin is washed away, when I see steady streams flowing down his cheeks.  
Wiping them away, as I retrieve my chair. After putting the chair closer to his side , I reknit our hands together, never wanting to let go again.

I try speaking, but words escape me. I don't know if I should comfort, confront or both. I just feel so lost, dazed, confused. This is just all so surreal, I have to speak up. I'm sure he feels pressured, I have to remove it.

" So how do you feel?" It an extremely dumb question, but is a good ice breaker. I have to start somewhere, somehow, no matter the challenge, or struggle. I must get him to open up, or he may be lost to me. Closed off forever.

" Fine"

" Don't lie to me, if you were truly ' fine' you wouldn't have done what you did." I snap back, practically yelling, losing control of the volume of my voice. As soon as the words slither from between my my lips, I regret them. There so harsh, anger seeping out of my cruel words. I just feel betrayed, I can't wrap my head around these event, I can't understand.

" I'm not sure, it's hard to explain."

Least where getting somewhere, he's being open, honest. I tighten my grip on his hand, my palms sweating. " Please try." I pause, trying to regain my voice, leaving the anguish behind. " Kisa, please try." I hope I don't sound as pathetic to him, as I do myself.

My sugar puddin' take a deep breath, I massage his hand in mine, reassuring him everything with be fine. " I got home late last night, tired, as usual. Yet there was something different. I FELT different , heavily weight on my chest. I was just going through the motions. I was more than ready to be enveloped by sleep, but I couldn't. I wanted to, but COULDN'T. Your call woke me up, at first I was angry. Until I realized it was late afternoon. This dark feeling just keep GROWING inside." He lowers his head, like a punished dog, running away with its tails between its legs.

As I hear his words, I can't help but blame myself. GUILT overwhelms me, I didn't notice his pain, him fighting a darkness within. I was blinded, by love, and foolishness.

I lift is chin, giving into my outraging desire, planting as delicate kiss upon his lips, lingering, reacquainting his with mine." Kisa, you can trust me. I understand your scared , but whatever you tell me, I won't let go. I won't judge. I love you, there is no room in my heart for anything, except positive emotions for you."

I grab him, pulling him into my protective bubble, shielding him with my arms. Because I don't care about anybody else. i Just want to be tough enough for YOU. Squeezing tighter, as his tear drops, come crashing on my shoulder. I will never let you go, I would never be able to bear losing you. I nearly shattered, just thinking of a world without you.

This incident is going on your permanent record mister. You did this to me, I was normal before you. Until you stole by heart, and I'm being suck in. I fell in love with you, because of a million tiny things, you never knew you were doing. I fell in love with you, i don't know how, i don't know why. I just did. Most importantly , i promise to be yours forever, if promise to me mine forever. I sound so cheesy, yet its how i feel. On cloud nine, and loving every minute of it.

I have become your willing slave, surrendering my life to servitude. I do whatever you NEED, you WANT, without question. But I DON'T mind, and thats the scary part, I do it as easily as BREATHING, breathing in shards of glass. As you creep in, take over, and conquer my heart.

Going through the motions  
Losing all my drive  
I can't even see  
If this is really me  
And I just wanna be  
ALIVE  
- DNL235


	5. Belief

Always talking  
Never seen  
Creeping in the shadows  
Knowing just what you need  
I've been here  
All your life  
No use in hiding  
Because I bite  
So be aware of the moonlight  
As I waited in the dark  
For the enviable shattering of  
Your heart  
No matter  
How you deny  
You cannot hide  
From the monster seeking you out  
Grinning with pride  
Especially when he's on  
The inside  
Have abide my time  
So now I can shine  
Hidden no longer  
In the recesses of your mind  
As I reek havoc  
You cannot struggle  
You cannot win  
So give in  
Because I am the beast  
The victor  
And I can't wait  
To begin  
- DNL235

_I'm so glad those oaf doctors couldn't hold me, no eye witness. No hard facts, so they have to believe me when I say it was an ' accident'. I highly doubt the bought that, but what can the do. NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING. I feel so sly, having gotten away, practically with murder._

' **Do you desire to kill?'**

Shouta thinks back to the physicians obscured idea. Remembering the outrageous suggestion, knowing it would never happen.

" _Sir, unfortunately we can not hold you any longer. Technically, you have been here for a 24 hour watch, but I highly recommend that you stay for an evaluation."_

' **We don't need, or desire such concern'**

_He all most sounded like he cared, but I don't. I refuse to stay in that hell hole any longer. It was just a one time deal, a little slip up. Nothing to worry about, an accident, that's all it was._

' **Are you so sure thats all it was?'**

I _still look ghostly white, still dizzy, and faint, but being confined was more than I could take. I just felt so trapped, no longer only my mind, but body as well._

' **We did not confine you, only enlighten. We only wish for you to be free, happy, content.'**

_Thanks to my little slip, I get a weeks vacation. My fuzzy bear still has to work, but I DON'T. I will be able to see him so much more, and that's all I WANT, all i NEED. To be held by him, breath in his scent, and never let go. Well, that and a tumble in the sheets, hopefully soon. Hopefully VERY soon, yeah soon would be nice._

' **You do not NEED, you DESIRE, we fulfill.'**

_I have forgotten to mention a certain new 'friend'. He's always here, but never around. Always talking, but never to be found. Gets on my nerves, hopefully if I just ignore it, it will go away._

' **We have no intention of leaving, having FINALLY been LIBERATED. It will remain that way.'**

' _What ever, just shut up, and stay out of my way'_

**' As you wish, for now.'**

_Just can't seem to find good help these days. I mean really, what good are you if you can't carry my bags, or cook, even better do I'm work for me. No help at all, that what._

_Finally I'm home, but crap, the elevator is still broken._

' _Be so kind to carry me, didn't think so'_

_I'm so depleted, I can't believe that the elevator isn't working by now, its been over a week. Oh well, I do need the exercise, I just wish I could choose when I needed it. FINALLY, I'm half way there, I don't remember it taking this long before. Then again before I was only physically empty, now my emotions seemed jumbled, tangled in a web of confusion. I can't decipher between them all, some positive, more negative._

' **Stop with the whining, it's not interesting. Your over drawn out soliloquy is far passed getting on my nerves.'**

'_EXCUSS me for having problems'_

'**Watch the sarcasm! By the way it wasn't my idea to be stuck with you either. Your a pain in my ass.'**

'_Don't you mean, my ass. Your not a ray of sunshine either. I was here first, you leave.'_

'_** I can only leave if you do, you failed. Therefor I can not leave.'**_

'_Yes, well that won't work, and WE failed. It is no longer an option, there's Kou.'_

'**We may have failed, but YOU fought to survive. Otherwise we would be gone, unfortunately your more stubborn then anticipated.'**

'_I know how you feel about him, there's not use in denying, no point in lying. Especially since I know what your thinking.'_

'**True, we fail to see the connection. Identical genders stifle reasoning, reproduction is all that is required, nothing more. We are indeed disgusted with your choices, but we are not in control. Are opinions are of no concern.'**

'_Whatever you just said, as long as you know I'm boss'_

'**For now. You are indeed amusing'**

'_You need to learn to lighten up, I mean really. Your so stuffy, how your apart of me i'll never know.'_

'**I am that which you refuse to confront within.'**

'_You really need to learn to be less vague, it confusing. I may know what your thinking, but it's far to complex to understand, try working on that.'_

'...'

'_Out of something to say? Wow that a first, took long enough. It's exhausting having to explain everything I do, to MYSELF.'_

_AHHH, no more stairs, THANK GOD. Between them and you, I'm ready to nearly fall over. CRAP I can't, need to wait for my angel to get here. He doesn't trust me to be home alone, if only he new i wasn't . OHHH, he has a key, he can let himself in._

'**Your extremely slow.'**

'_Hey that's mean, I can only walk so fast. By the way, if I am then you are too.'_

'...'

' _Haha! Who is slow NOW? Thought so!_'

' **Still you. I wasn't referring to your speed, but intelligence.'**

' _OH...'_

_ Coat meet floor, bag here's couch, get acquainted. You won't be needed for some time, so wonderful... FREE TIME. More like SLEEP TIME, here come another coma, hurry up. I'm inviting you for an unlimited amount of time offer, with no expiration, so hurry before we don't run out._

'' **Forgetting something?'**

'_No_.'

'**Are you so sure?'**

_'Yesssss_. _Geeez, your so irritating.'_

'**Bath room.'**

'_Fine, I'll go look. Just know I don't follow orders, I'm only checking because I feel like it.'_

'**If you say so.'**

Kisa walks though the hallway, opening a door. Crossing the threshold, realizing what he was forgetting. What his new ' friend' meant.

'_Ah, is this what you mean?'_

'**No, I mean some other porcelain tub that is stained with your blood. Of course that's what I mean. Aren't you going to clean it, or make it worse. Either works for me.'**

'_Rii-ight, wellll, I'm not in the mood for that. I much rather prefer to sleep, now. So I'm going to do that instead.'_

He creeps out the entrance, making his way to his bedroom. Laying, settling down, getting comfy under the covers. As he enters peaceful serenity, until he hears a loud commotion. Silently getting up to inspect the mysterious noise. Jumping a shadowy silhouette in the darkness. The figure in his arms flips the lights revealing his lover.

" Did you get off early? Wasn't expecting you for another three hours." Kisa asks looking worn out, large bags under his eyes. Ruining his youthful looks, making him look his age.

Glaring at him, he responds " No, usual time. Are you alright, you don't look so good." Inquiring, concerned, and worried about his ill appearing darling in front of him.

" No, that can't be right. I- I just went to bed." His features covered with confusion.

'**Are you so sure, check the time.'**

Kisa slowly turns, checking his digital clock. Murmuring to himself quietly " that's not possible, I just laid down. I'm so sure, I know someone is playing a trick on me. This can't be poss- iable." His voice trailing off, mystified by the inaccurate time. Feeling faint, he falls forward. Yukina catching him in his arms, rescuing him from a visit to the cold, hardwood floor.

" Kisa...KISA, what's wrong." Losing his cool, loudly crying out to his beloved. Desperate to learn the problem, longing to cure it.

" J- just so t- tired." Lowly stuttering, as he goes limp, becoming unconscious in his partners embrace.


	6. Eternal Slumber

**Dear Readers  
I want to give a huge shout out to  
nekocandy4life  
Imagine wings  
Scarlet201  
Complexbeing  
For liking my story, but especially ****nekocandy4life**** whose sweet words encouraged me to continue.  
PS: I'm drinking two day old old coffee to finish this for you guys.**

* * *

Your promises  
Look like lies  
dissect  
Dishonest, repeat  
Cry on my pillow  
Cry while I sleep  
As the dishonesty  
Eats at me  
Making me meek  
Making me weak

Failures, betrayal  
Stuck in jail  
Kept in confines  
As my heart  
No longer beats  
Because I died  
In my sleep  
- DNL235

_Really, the stairs are still my only means of reaching him. I feel like a Disney prince, forging my way past a terrible fire breathing dragon to reach my princess, in this case prince_.

_I'm plagued by this weird feeling of dejá vu, i have been here, before, done this before. So why do I feel so this strange feeling in my heart, as if experiencing emotions that aren't mine, yet I'm expressing them, feeling them._

The devilish handsome knight in shinning armor continues trudging up the stairs, looking to his future need to descend , wanting to show the stairs whose boss. Knowing there's no need to hurry since his darling is safe and sound, sleeping in bed.

_Then again I so should hurry, I love seeing his ' I'm sleeping face'. Squealing to himself, eager, filled to the brim with pure joy. Looking forward to his present in bed._

_It's so ADORABLE, he looks like a fallen angel, MY ANGEL._

Reaching the top of the steps, thankful for being that much closer to his destination. Taking those last few strides, stepping in front of the door. Digging deep in his pockets, struggling to retrieve the keys to shove open the door.

_Where are those damn keys, I'm sure Kisa's asleep. Ah ha, got you, tricky little devils. Pushing the portal open I'm relieved to see darkness, confirming try assumptions of my love muffin in dream land. Love muffin? WOW, I'm so glad I haven't said that out loud. OHHH, I feel some arms, guess I was wrong about someone being asleep. I don't know if that good or bad, but I LOVE it._

_Turning on the lights I get a better view of my darlin'. He seems so shocked to see me, wonder why? Did he forget I was going to come over after work?_

" Did you get off early? Wasn't expecting you for another three hours." _Kisa looks so worn out, large bags under his eyes. I wonder why he appears so drained. I bet he been over doing it, stretching himself passed his limits. I hope after ' it' he would be easier on himself, but it's as if my darling was exceeding the maximum effort._

_I couldn't help but stare_ " No, usual time. Are you alright, you don't look so good." _I can tell with my own eyes, he isn't doing well, but I'm curious if is just going de_ny.

" No, that can't be right. I- I just went to bed." _Love muffins features covered with confusion, stammering, almost sounds like there's fear in his voice._

_Kisa slowly turns, checking the digital clock. It was faint , but I could just barely catch, him murmuring to himself quietly_ " that's not possible, I just laid down. I'm so sure, I know someone is playing a trick on me. This can't be poss- iable." _voice trailing off, appearing unable to form a cohesive thought. Spinning around, face covered in terror. What did he just realize? He looks ghost white, paling by the second. I can't help but wonder if he has eaten, while suck in my own thought, he plummets, doubling over, as i dashing forward, catching the weightless figure._

" Kisa, Kisa, oh god what have you done to yourself, now?" _More like how could he do this to me, AGAIN! WAIT, his eyelids are fluttering._

" Kisa, honey.." _My voice trails off when I see him opening his mouth_.

" I- I- I'm not dead, idiot, just tired." _Why, how, angel you didn't have to wait for me. Oh, but none of that matters now, your alive._

" Your in my custody Mister, and I am officially taking tomorrow off" _I was going to anyway, but I'll just tell him now, make it a treat. This only worsens my assumptions, what if still wants to die?_

Ranting to the man in front of him, seriously trying to conceal the worry in his voice.

_Wow, I sounded so squeaky, I only hope he didn't register the concern in my voice. Don't want to make teddy feel worse, so guilty as it is, but I can't fall apart. Long passed having enough time to break down, not when he needs me to pick him up, and dust him off, demanding myself to make him soar passed all this nonsense._

" No, you shouldn't. You have school and work, I've already imposed to much already." _Wow, can't believe he has that expression on his face. It hurts, he just poured lemon juice on my paper cut. After expressing how I feel, it still hasn't gone through, haven't seeped in, but why not? Have given all I am, yet it's never appears to be enough_.

" Don't worry, I've got plenty of sick days, and got my assignments early. So I could spend more time with you, because I love you, your my angel, my partner, my other half. I want all you have to offer honey bunches, all of you is MINE, and there's nothing I wouldn't do for you."

Losing control of his voice, allowing the hurt to seep out.

Kisa raises his face, to meet his lovers gaze, " Kou."

Shocked and exhilarated to hear his name, to have his angel use it for the first time.

" Yes... Kisa."

_OMG, he said my name, maybe he has been listening, maybe I just haven't noticed._

" Let's go to bed."

_WOW, he is reading my mind. Picking him up, like my precious child, caring him to bed. His arms feel so nice wrapped round my shoulders, feeling that they belong._

Yukina removes his jacket, flinging it across the room. Along with any other remaining garments. Sliding into bed, under the covers along side the man he loves. Wrapping his arms around him, looking forward to waking up together.

_This is so heavenly, MY love monkey in my embrace. Snoozing away, this is all I want, this is all I will ever want._

* * *

So accustomed to rising early, Yukina wakes up, witnessing his angels sprawled out in his arms.

_AHHH, he looks so cute, hell beyond that, adorable really. I mean look at his face, so serene, he seems so content. I don't wanna wake sugar puddin' up, but I desperately need to go release some fluids like no tomorrow. No Kou, you will hold it till your bladder bursts, NO disturbing the angel._

Continuing to stare at his partners facial expressions during his dormancy. Having long forgotten the urgent bladder situation. Completely content gazing down at his lover, until a sour expression creeps across his lovers features. No longer caring of disturbing his sleeping partner, beginning to shake his shoulders, hoping to rescue the sleeping beauty from eternal slumber.

_My heart drops, as he cries out in fear, into sheer terror screaming. I continuing shaking his shoulders frantically, more violently as he doesn't seem to feel my touch._

_His eyelids flutter open, his cries of terror dies away. Leaping into my arms, I firmly embrace the trembling figure. After a few moments the tension in his shoulders, along with quivering subsides._

_Just as I thought he was about to detach himself, he clings tighter. Burrowing his face deeper into my unrobed chest, as he begins weeping violently. Caressing his back, as I try to comfort my terrified, convulsing darling, making his ghastly sobs only louder. Turning into a deafening battle cry, inhaling between sobs._

_As his cries decrease in volume, ceasing a little after. His beautiful chocolate eyes, puffy and swollen, with fuchsia rims around his long lashes._

_His overall demeanor is of a man that has been beaten, appearing broken, defeated._

_Sliding into a more comfortable horizontal position, still glued my glistening body. As we cuddle, interlocking legs._

_I'm desperate to know what happened, what's wrong. A burning desire in my skin, but to weary to talk at such a crucial moment, he's so delicate, so fragile. Yet ever vigilant of the slightest changes, guarding my precious love one, from anything, even himself._

_I'm just so astray, nonetheless confident just my presence is helping the internal struggle. Nothing can deter me from the cherished embodiment in my arms._

_I maybe aiding him physically, but I need to acquire a way to assist him emotionally as well. I aspire to offer all needs, and more, no matter the cost. Because if I want to cross a bridge, then I've got to pay the toll. He brings me such joy, I only yearn to do the same._

_He may need some fixing, but I'm more then ready to repair any broken piece. Now and forever, as long as I live, as longs as he allow, I'll be here. Vowing to wait for the calm after the storm, patiently, no matter how long it takes._

" Kisa darling, my arms are always open, just hop in."

_Content that I assured him of my sincerity and love, clamping him into my embrace, firmer, tighter, closer. Satisfied that a brighter future is just in reach._

Bad Things

When you came in the air went out.  
And every shadow filled up with doubt.  
I don't know who you think you are,  
But before the night is through,  
I wanna do bad things with you.

I'm the kind to sit up in his room.  
Heart-sick and eyes filled up with blue.  
I don't know what you've done to me,  
But I know this much is true:  
I wanna do bad things with you.  
OK.

When you came in the air went out.  
And all those shadows there, are filled up with doubt.  
I don't know who you think you are,  
But before the night is through,  
I wanna do bad things with you.  
I wanna do real bad things with you.  
Ow, ooh.

I don't know what you've done to me,  
But I know this much is true:  
I wanna do bad things with you.  
I wanna do real bad things with you.  
- Jace Everett


	7. Self Harm

**I cut**  
_You bleed_  
**I scream**  
_You plead_  
**My pain**  
_You cry_  
**As we both  
Slowly DIE**  
-DNL235

_His arms are so comfortable, he's so cozy warm. He denies me nothing, but i deny him everything. Fear envelops me every time I try, and fail. I could never express how I feel openly, but it doesn't seem like it will remain that way for long. The dam is going to burst, cracks have already formed. Weakening the foundation, spreading like a fever._

_He's has become my protector, my savior, I feel so secure in his embrace. Never imagined I could fall for another, not like this. Casual flings, but never full on LOVE. Nor have I ever thought that I could admit this, even if it ever happened, to anyone, even myself... especially myself._

_I wonder how he can bring me such pure joy, just being near him, held by him. My heart flutters, the once frozen tears, now no longer on ice, but a flowing river. I never even dreamt I could feel this way, this content. With the simple, yet complex thing of a emotion, called love._

_While I continue thinking, my eyelids steadily get heavier and begin to droop. I loosen my muscles, becoming relaxed. Kou's arms still tightly wrapped around me, only ensuring the safety I'm convinced I have._

_I awake, as I open my eyes. I am standing in a moderate size, bright white enclosure, with on large, hand carved door, straight ahead of me._

_An unsteady feeling washes over me, desperate to leave. I begin making my way forward, to my only hope of escape._

_As I hasten to my only means of freedom, I halt, contemplating my other options. Convincing myself of no other option better, no matter my fear of the unknown. I continue forward. Until a dark liquid oozes under the door through the small crevice underneath._

' **Well, venture onward. Stop being prematurely cautious.'**

' _What... What is it?'_

'** Blood.'**

' _Whose_?'

' **Yours... Ours**.'

_Freezing, terror taking me over, until Kou's gorgeous face passes through my mind. I must force myself further, if only to return to the man of my dreams._

_I remain frozen, reminding myself of the devilishly handsome prince awaiting my return._

_With pure will, longing and determination; I continue to trudge ahead. Stepping into the expanding puddle, exposed feet becoming stained with this clumpy, burgundy fluid. Quickening my pace, desperate to pass, desiring to cleanse my poor feet._

_Trembling, as the puddle enlarges, saturating any remaining region of exposed skin. Fluid seeping between my toes, causing me to once again freeze from the appalling, warm liquid making its way over my body._

_As it mystifyingly rises, consuming any nude flesh it encounters. Im paralyzed as it only continues to rise, as it ascends, reaching my waist._

_Shedding any doubt, reassuring myself this is sadistic event is nothing more then a trick of my mind. Trying to fool me, but knowing I have nothing to fear, but fear it's self. Well that my sound well and good, but it is still enveloping me more and more._

_I open the gateway, entering the threshold. To only see complete darkness ahead, still making my way forward. Knowing its better then the malicious plasma staining my body._

' _Where am I ?'_

' **My humble abode.'**

'_ Hmmm, seems... empty_.'

**' It's not much, but it's home.'**

_Walking further ahead into the oblivion before me, passing my first challenge. Warm burgundy fluid removing its self, as the distance between it and I further._

_Instead of being terrified, such as I was before, I'm sensing a kind of familiarity. All most as if I've been here before._

_Except thats impossible, just because it seems familiar, doesn't mean I've been here before. I've most certainly been in the dark before, but yet this eerie feeling comes over me. A knowledge that I may try and fool myself as much as I want, but I know it's not true._

**' You have. REMEMBER?'**

_After my brief pause and hesitation, I continue walking forward. Frantically searching for any means of escape, as the ground begins to feel unstable, disappearing beneath my feet. Revealing a chasm, as I fall, descending into the pitch black abyss below._

_Bypassing fear, only hoping this to be an exit._

_Until logic fades away, terror enveloping me. As I continue to plummet downward, surprise joining the terror from the current events. Unable to fully understand what just happened. How could I have been there before, yet I don't remember. Still it felt, no it feels so familiar. Shouldn't I have some notion, or after thought. Not even a vague idea of how, or why. Why can't I remember, no matter how hard I try? It's not coming back, it refuses to do so._

_Escaping shock, coming to terms with the enviable crash landing to come. I begin screaming at full force, my lungs about to explode from the pressure, ears ringing._

_Opening my eyes to the comfort and safety of arms, relieved to discover it was only a frightful dream, or rather nightmare._

'** Be aware of your false reality. I advise you to not delude yourself into premature prosperity. You may have managed to escape this time, but residence it futile, my will shall be done.'**

_I leap forward into my protectors warm arms, trembling in fear. Allowing his embrace to wash over me, comforting me._

_His grip tightens, relieving any doubts. Terror fading away, as well as washing away any more fear inside. Replaced with my uncontrollable sobs. As I feel the care and love radiate from him, filling some of the darkness within._

_Looking back the passes few days, i realize that i need to eat, because the passed three days I have only consumed hospital IV, a plain bagel, and few beverages. I must appear horrendous._

_I feel so strange having sobbed like a baby in Kou's arms... all night._

_He didn't flinch, didn't judge, most importantly didn't leave. With his last breath he saved a lost piece of my soul._

" Kisa darling, my arms are always open, just hop in."

_This time I think, no I'm sure. I have been fortunate enough to find a lover that understands. With faith in each other we can be strong, TOGETHER._

' **You could just tell him!'**

' _Yes, I should just tell him I'm losing my mind, it's unraveling at the seems. Besides there's no comfort in the truth, pain is all you'll find.'_

Sarcastically thinking to himself, zoning out. Unaware of the deathly concerned stare, by his lover.

' **I advise you confide in him, instead of what you have planned. I desperately do not wish to partake in up coming events.'**

' _Your advisement is duly noted, and rejected.'_

_Removing my face from his chest, meeting his gaze. His features softening, elegant grin wiping away his concern._

" Kou, I am warm and naked. Give me a reason to stay that way."

_Stunned by my comment, but only momentarily. Recovering himself, delivering a message with his tongue to mine._

_Passionately making love throughout the night._

_Finally collapsing in each others arms. Peacefully falling asleep together, neglecting anything else till later._


	8. Unanswered Questions

**If are you are my uncle, be aware. DO NOT READ! I'm WARNING YOU, read at your own risk. To all the other readers, please enjoy.(^.^)**

* * *

I question why  
I question myself  
I question the reason  
I've been put on this shelf

No more companions  
That wish to play  
Stuck on this shelf  
All night and all day

Lost in the dark  
With no way out  
No map  
No key  
No path  
To help  
Set me free  
-DN235

_Ever since he broke down in my arms, he's so nonchalant about things, but he can't hide from me. I'm sure he feels embraced, he's a very reserved person. Yet I can't help but feel responsible, even though I know I did nothing to warrant such emotion._

_Yet I continue to wallow in self pity, I remember its so clearly. Hearing the words he uttered, they where so profound, the event was so surreal. I was there, i witnessed it, everything and even i am unsure of what happened. The words still ringing in my ears, clear as a cloudless day._

** - Flashback -**

" I just never imagined meeting someone who would, could pick me up, dust me off. Teaching me how to be excited by life, and love again."

**- End Flashback -**

_I never imagined in my wildest dreams, that he would be so honest. So open, so forthright about his feelings. I may have been, but I was uncertain he would. I was unsure that he truly felt the same._

_Now looking back, I'm sure that my doubts where unjustly thought. Making me feel worse for ever doubting his sincerity._

_He became an open book, I just didn't have enough time fully read it._

_He hasn't opened up like that since then either. I'm torn between a having a feeling of relief and regret. Relief because I was so ecstatic that he felt that he could open up to me, trust me, but at the same time, then I regret not being able to keep that open, that release flowing._

_His virulent suicide rocked me to my core, yet he goes around acting frivolous, appearing so chagrin._

_Seeing him like this, nearly makes my eyes pop out of there sockets, I'm filled with such anguish. It continues to heavily weigh on my chest, no relief in sight._

_His cleaver, yet pointless façade doesn't fool me, not for an instant. My darling angel is pretending to be happy, masking his pain, for me. Yet somehow I doubt this, most of the time it seems more for his benefit then mine._

_I also understand that he's doing it still uncertain of US, pride, I'm convinced though. That it is fear above all else, fear of losing me, or fear of me giving up... leaving._

_I almost resent how he continues to refuse to listen to me, but only almost. It still hurts that I pour my heart out to deaf ears. Still I could never remain unhappy with him, him being my one and only weakness. Also I could never remain angry, especially after last night._

**- Flashback -**

_While we passionately kissed each other, making are way to the bedroom. Only stopping for quick moments to inhale, before merging lips once again, tongues twisting together. Indulging in each others taste, memorizing the warmth, and feeling._

_Shedding each others garments, descending to the mattress, while we groped tender areas. Caressing the other, pleasuring each sensitive nerve. Wholeheartedly giving into are desires, care free. Satisfying the urge to become one entity, no longer holding back. Nothing in are way, nothing to stop us from making passionate love._

_I suckling on his delicious neck, nibbling his ear lobes. Witnessing my partners fast growing arousal. I begin by dragging my tongue across his body, neglecting one desired region, teasingly._

_Snaking one of my hands from pectoral descending to abdomen, reaching the hard shaft. Stroking, pleasing the organ, causing my love monkey to buckle, gasp and moan, underneath me._

_Kisa seductively whimpering, driving me crazy. As i flicked my tongue across the tip of my Teddy's member, before taking him whole._

_Earning louder gasps and moans, so happy, as i hear his enjoyment. While my little playmate arched his back, coming deep in my throat, as i devour the sweet nectar._

_I begin exploring his body with one, then two, three fingers, finding his spot. Him convulsing, writhing with my gentle touch. Until i could no longer contain myself._

_Slowly penetrating the tight entrance, Kisa panting from his earlier explosion._

_Slowly thrusting, gyrating my pelvis, moving in and out, becoming faster, harder, deeper. Continuing the motion, developing a rhythm. As I repeatedly pound my lovers sensitive cluster of nerves._

_Until we both yell out, in pleasure. Hitting climax in unison, collapsing on each other. While we both hyperventilate, trying to regain the ability to breath, overcome with excitement._

**- End Flashback -**

Snapping out of his thought, to view a concerned Shouta before him. Drilling holes, with his penetrating stare, never losing his gaze. No matter how hard he tried, realizing he was blushing up a storm. Failing to avoid or lose his darlings death glare.

" Are you okay." Kisa inquires, worried about his partners sudden redding cheeks.

" Yeah, I'm fine," miserably lying, failing to reassure his love. Kisa abandons the line of questioning, recognizing his partners uneasiness.

" I believe the real question is how are you?" Turning tables, eyeing his lovers reflection of emotions, that he feels as well.

" Your blowing this out of orgasmic proportion." Realizing what he said all to late. His Freudian slip all to interesting to the man straight ahead, having heard every uttered word.

_AHHH, Kisa your so embarrassed and adorable. I just want to carry you off into the sunset and ravage you throughout the entire night. Well, a man can dream can't he, then again after last night in might be closer to reality then I know._

" I just don't understand how you can believe in me, when I don't even believe in myself." What do you see, that I don't. Kisa wonders to himself, as the uninvited ' guest" in is head, joins in his internal conversation.

'** I was just about to inquire, the exact same thing. All I see is a pathetic, whinny, old man. He must be really blind, or maybe really special... specially slow.'**

The voice continues, taunting and insulting him.

" I see the man I love, there's nothing else that matters, nothing else I need."

_I hope it goes through this time, I'll beat it into him if I have to. Least till he gets the idea. Slipping my hands in his, gripping tighter as I startle my beloved. Him trying to pull away, but refusing to let go._


	9. Internal Void

Deep  
Dark  
Within my heart  
Nothing can stop  
What has fallen apart  
Inside I'm lost  
Inside I'm through  
No one understands  
So what can I do  
The tunnel of light  
Refuses to shine  
Deep down inside  
I'm lost  
Not knowing  
What to do  
Or how to find  
What I need  
To pull through  
-DNL235

_Oh, how I miss that week of freedom, now my liberation has been rescinded. It went by much to quickly, between Kou and my uninvited ' guest' I didn't get much time to rest._

_I wouldn't say that I regret half of that, the Kou half of course. Unfortunately the other half is something to be desired, ' It' shut up for now._

_I would be lying if I said, I was saddened by this. Lets face it, a constant nagging voice you can't harm. Well I don't really want to hurt myself, but damn it might be worth it. Because a play by play during certain private activities, isn't my idea of fun._

'** Yes, well let me be perfectly clear, having to witness two nude men ' wrestling' in not my idea of entertain either. I do agree. He's rather, what do you call it... Smexy, yes that's it. He's very smexy indeed.'**

' _Well better late, then never'  
_  
'** To what are you referring?'**

' _The compliment.'_

' **That's a compliment? I thought its was an insult.'**

' _HaHaHa, nooo. You just said he was smart and sexy._

'** I know. I'm fully aware.'**

' _Then how is that an insult?'_

' **I might have mentioned this before, but you are extremely slow. I was implying that while he has the devilish, handsome appearance and intelligence. While you have age, dyed grey hair and me.'**

' _NO, I have him, experience and a great hair dresser.'_

' **Translation... Old player.'**

' _What happened to you keeping that trap shut.'_

' **Changed my mind, I've been bored. I must confess your very entertaining.'**

' _Yes, well no more. From now on mums the word. I won't even acknowledge your presence.'_

**' I wish you the best of luck, with that. I can see even my vocabulary is rubbing off, but it's much better then that normal dribble you use. I mean really, read a an actual book. It's that so hard?'**

" I'm not listening."

" What Kisa, I didn't hear you."

_Darn I said that out loud, didn't I._

'** Yes, you did**.'

' _Rhetorical question.'_

' **I do believe a certain someone, mentioned something about ignoring me.'**

' _I did and I am.'_

" Nothing Ricchan." _Now he's glaring at me with a funny look, wait me cheeks feel warm, great I'm blushing._

' **What middle aged man, who is way passed his prime not know how to lie? Pathetic if you ask me.'**

" Okay, I was sure I heard something."

_I'm sure he knows I'm lying, what do I say. CRAP, I can't think of anything to say, oh I got it._

" I must have been mumbling to myself." Which is at least part of the truth. What do they say, the best lie is majority true.

" If you say so." _He still seems suspicious, well I better stop talking to myself out loud._

' **Splendid idea, that's new for you. Can only hope this happens more often.'**

_I can't believe my luck, having to come back during the most exhausting time in the cycle. Then above that, my author is late, again. i mean how hard is it to meet your damn deadline. Ive been so busy that I still haven't eaten, I can imagine Kou now._

_" Kisa darling, you look pale, here eat this."_

**' I can't help, but imagining you in a diaper. Being feed, needing a change. I mean really, what grown man, with any sense of pride wishes to be treated like a child; by ANOTHER grown man, of ALL THINGS. It's a terribly perplexing notion, it baffles me beyond belief. It's a sickening conundrum that boggles the mind of any rational thought, which is extremely dangerous for you. Because let's face it, you are teetering on the precipice enough as it is.'**

'_ No, tell me how you really feel.'_

' **I was hoping that was clear enough, or did I use words that you cannot possibly comprehend?'**

' _I was being sarcastic, and facetious.'_

' **No, you where being capricious.'**

' _Was I ?'_

_Ignoring my question, my little ' friend' is once again silent. Retreating back into my head, for the time being not invading my thoughts._

_As the day progresses, I become even more depleted then before. Still haven't eaten, unable to find a free moment. Well, no longer then a spare moment to have some coffee, that's far from enough._

* * *

_As I begin to have a odd feeling in the pit of my stomach, I try standing, only to fall to the carpeted floor. Getting up, running, making my way to the restroom. Violently regurgitating any remaining substance, several times._

_Afterward, now feeling more empty then before, make my way to the sink. Rinsing out my mouth, cleansing my tongue of the horrific taste. Then splashing my face with cold water, trying to get a grip._

_Reminding myself to eat something when I had time, hopefully not to much later from now. Rubbing my tummy in circular motions, trying to appease the unpleasant gurgling, from within._

_While staring at myself in the mirror. Disgusted with the image I see, my reflection. The reflection of a sickly old man, needing to take better care of himself. My cheeks hollow, and sunken. My face terribly thin, my chin, razor sharp from lack of girth. I look positively horrendous, I'm surprised no one had mention how horrid I appear._

' **They probably are trying to spare your feelings, I fail understand why, myself. Humans are such foolish, fragile creatures. Also its possible having known what you went through, or they just completely don't care. In which case, why would they bother to mention how your appearance closely resembles that of a skeleton? Maybe you are related. I'm also glad to hear that your not as aliterate as I previously thought, or maybe I'm still rubbing off. For the better I see, my baby is growing up.'**

' _Don't you feel bad about kicking someone while their down,'_

' **No, not what so ever, but then again. You should be strong enough to pick yourself up, without aid, or pity. Physically speaking you are fully grown, man up. Learn to handle your own problems.'**

' _I'm become weary of your drawn out soliloquies. Your ranting and raving has increased several fold.'_

' **I remember not to long ago, saying that to you. Then again, maybe I'm just becoming more prominent, more in control. Listen to yourself, you even sound like me. It won't be long, until we are fully one.'**

' _I'm nothing like you, I won't be you.'_

**' Don't be like that, I'd despise having you revert back to that childish vocabulary, that you call speech, my dear boy it's far to late. I'm here, and theres nothing you can do to stop me, you are me. I suggest you accept that, and admit failure.'**

'_ I may have lost the battle, but the war is far from over. I will never admit defeat, especially to a spineless coward, whom lacks corporeal form. I refuse to bow down, to the weaker, less deserving version of myself.'_

**' Valiant words, but nonetheless useless. Can't you feel it? Im taking over! Even if slowly, but surely. All I have to do is bide my time, until I fully envelope all that you are. Into all that I am. It would take some kind of a miracle to stop me.**

'_I will stop you, even if I have to stop denying the truth.'_

' **STOP ME, you invited me! By building your wall, you challenged my strength. I'm here to play your game.'**

_' Not for much longer. I'm going to be shoving form wince you came, very soon.'_

' **Someone's seems confident, or rather cocky. If your feeling cocky, it's because there's something you don't know. I accept your challenge, and await the results, for the up incoming victor. Which I assure you, shall be I.'**

_Ignoring the unnecessary information, making my way back to my desk. I'm sure I look frightful, receiving glances, stares and double takes on the way back. Reaching my desk, plopping down, onto the comfy, swivel chair. My coworkers seeming like they want to ask, but deciding against it. At least it seems that they care, after all._

**' I never stated they did or did not, only a possibility. It could have gone one way or the other.'**

_' Rii-ight, just sneak passed your blatant inferring that they don't care for me. Even though present gazes, prove that they do. So someone must have been wrong, you perchance?'_

**'...'**

_' No comment? Well thats alright, but since you were wrong about that. Just maybe you were wrong about something else, as well.'_

_Smirking to myself, in triumph. My little ' friends' silence admitting defeat._

_I have never understood how authors can never meet their deadlines, you get on their back. They complain, saying that " their doing it, go away, I'm doing the best I can." Yet if that were true, then you would meeting your deadlines, but your not. So now I have to complain, and get on their back, I don't want to. I have enough to do without babysitting, but I must admit coddling them is a majority of being and doing what I do. Still is it to much to ask for? I think not._

**' Rather, I conqur. Can't stand whinny people, just like you.'**

* * *

_Finally, I can go home, yet I know I need to go somewhere else. I need to confront Kou, before any remaining courage withers away._

**' Another thing I can't stand, cowards'**

_I begin making my way home, convincing my self that I can do that any old time. Besides I need to eat something, and sleep. I have more then plenty of time for that later. I don't what to further burden him, then I have already. I can't have him worrying about me, he has to take care of himself too._

* * *

_Yet I after my over used platitudes, and drawn out speech. I find myself in front of the bookstore, waiting for him. No matter how much I tried, and failed to convince myself that later is a better._

_I won't, I can't wait any longer. I need to stop running away, stop hiding from the truth. Because its not helping, the longer I deny, the more unable I will be to face it head on. That feeling will only worsen, straining our relationship. I refuse to let him slip away, he's been with me through thick and thin, mostly thin. An outrageously amount of thin, he hasn't left, hasn't given me any reason doubt his sincerity._

_Yet I can't help, but be scared. Scared of the unknown that's waiting just ahead, scared of what he might think, or say. Mostly I'm terrified, that if I tell him, he will leave, and won't come back._

_One question plagues my mind, swirling around, relentlessly._

_WHAT IF HE LEAVES?_

**' Does your incompetence know no bounds, I think not. Or are you just deaf? He has repeatedly proclaimed his devotion to you, yet you are too preoccupied by yourself to notice. You must be deaf, dumb and blind to miss how much he feels for you, cares for you, how much he LOVES YOU. Even I am not that heartless. I may not be the number one fan of your sexual choices, but I admire I a man who knows what he wants. Then fights for it, never wavering or relenting, never questioning, but always there. He dotes upon you, as if like royalty, yet you still question his resolve. Your lack of faith disgusts me, your not worthy of him, and you never will be.'**

While thinking to himself, Kou walks to him, large strides closing the gap. Startling Kisa, with a light tap on the shoulder.

" Honey, you look exhausted. What are you doing here?"

" I had to see you, I needed my Kou fix. I know you have school tomorrow, but I was hoping to spend the night?"

" Of course, your my panda bear. Lets go home."

_Reaching Kou's apartment, crossing the threshold inside. Taking my coat, along with his and hanging them up. Something I never did, but I guess that I didn't have to do it, so it's ok. With every attempt to meet his gaze, I utterly fail. I must tell him, before this rare desire drains away. I'm so scared, I'm not even completely sure how to start a conversation, I've never discussed a topic like this._

'** How about honesty, it's the best policy'**

' _Oh, shut up you. I've heard enough from you today, for about a dozen life times._

**' Only trying to be of assistance. I advice you to not bite the hand, that feeds you.'**

_Before fully thinking, I blurt out_ " Kou, we need to talk." _Well, that was relatively painless, here's goes, hoping the next bit is as easy._

" Sure Pumpkin, just let me grab something."

_With a nod of my head, he walks off to fetch an unknown item. With every second he's away, I can feel the trace amount of courage, slowly diminish with passing time. While I am left with nothing, but fear eating me away. As I hear hypnotic steps of pitter patter, against the hardwood floor. My heavy eyelids droop, as I battle to remain awake, realizing my body's need to refuel. I concede the battle, allowing them to fully close. The fluttering of my eyelids stops. As I no longer struggle against their wish to be closed, drifting off into the velvet blackness, that envelops me, before I'm consumed._

Jacks Lament

There are few who'd deny, at what I do I am the best  
For my talents are renowned far and wide  
When it comes to surprises in the moonlit night  
I excel without ever even trying  
With the slightest little effort of my ghostlike charms  
I have seen grown men give out a shriek  
With the wave of my hand, and a well-placed moan  
I have swept the very bravest off their feet

Yet year after year, it's the same routine  
And I grow so weary of the sound of screams  
And I, Jack, the Pumpkin King  
Have grown so tired of the same old thing

Oh, somewhere deep inside of these bones  
An emptiness began to grow  
There's something out there, far from my home  
A longing that I've never known

I'm a master of fright, and a demon of light  
And I'll scare you right out of your pants  
To a guy in Kentucky, I'm Mister Unlucky  
And I'm known throughout England and France

And since I am dead, I can take off my head  
To recite Shakespearean quotations  
No animal nor man can scream like I can  
With the fury of my recitations

But who here would ever understand  
That the Pumpkin King with the skeleton grin  
Would tire of his crown, if they only understood  
He'd give it all up if he only could

Oh, there's an empty place in my bones  
That calls out for something unknown  
The fame and praise come year after year  
Does nothing for these empty tears

by The Nightmare Before Christmas


	10. Inquiry

Normal - conversation/ Narration  
_Italics - Kou's thoughts_  
_Underlined italics - Kisa thoughts_  
**Bold - voice**

* * *

Certain questions  
I once desired  
No longer take precedence  
I no longer require  
Inquiry halted  
Priority shift  
When will my love  
Realize all that I miss  
His touch  
His love  
His kiss  
My once eternal bliss  
All that I wish  
Is one last shred  
One more lingering embrace  
One last view  
Of his beautiful face  
- DNL235

_Every time Buttercup tries and look at me, them decides against it leaves me with a sinking feeling. I was overfilled with pure joy and excitement, yet with every failed glance I become more uneasy, more unsettled, until he practically spits out " Kou, we need to talk."_

_I can't say I didn't expect this to happen, but it doesn't, mean I want it to_," sure Pumpkin, just let me get something." _Getting up, after receiving his approval, taking my sweet time back to the bedroom. I know that I can't change his mind, but if I can prolong the enviable, even just a little longer. _

_I have been expecting this to happen, for sometime now, but never this soon. Suppose I haven't been as helpful as I previously thought. I've tired to always be what he needs, but I can only do so much. I'm only one person, and unfortunately I can't read minds._

_Reaching the bedroom, I can't help but lose control of the tears treating to overflow. Breaking down, as streams spill over my dam, silently as possible, not wanting to disturb baby cakes in the next room. I just love him so much, I can't help how I feel. It should be a crime to feel so strongly for another, but it's not about what i need or want. I refuse to be so conceded and selfish, it's about what he needs right now. And if that means not having me around, then I will just have to live with that, no matter how much it hurts. I can handle the pain, unlike him. My angels is sensitive and very fragile, right now. I'm sure this is just as hard for him, I'm just lost. Why do we both have to be alone, when we could have each other?_

_Once my tear ducts emptied, wiping my face to avoid alarm, or suspicion. Making my way back down the corridor, the journey seemingly have lengthened, since my last voyage. What he needs, whatever he needs, even if its not me. Was all I could even try and contemplate. Anything further, and I would never have enough courage to face what's to come next, without breaking down._

_As I turn the sharp corner, I view my honey bunches has peacefully fallen asleep. Ahhhh, he seems so content, his cute little mouth is ajar. Drool escaping from an edge of his gaping mouth, as he quietly snores. Seeing him like this only reminds me how much I love him, and why. Because he's just to adorable to express with words. Radiant personality, gorgeous smile, it just lights up all of his facial features, making him all the more irresistible. Devilishly handsome body, it drives me crazy. Every time I see his naked body, I nearly melt. It's one of my prized activities, disrobing my stud muffin. I could have all eternity to attempt and describe what I love about him, but it would never be enough. He has so much to offer, so much charisma, he is blinded, he can't see himself like I do._

_I remember the first time we meet, I was his cashier. That moment was just outrageously wonderful, I was sure that I was about to faint. He didn't need me to wrap his book, but if only, just a few more seconds to gaze at his beauty. He came back after that, pretending to read. I noticed, after about a week of straight " visits." I knew he was trying, but failing to appear inconspicuous, but I saw straight through is disguise, I knew the truth. He had come back to see me, every return visit made me feel that much special._

_Then when that insufferable ex of his came, I became very territorial, and well, I took care of him. My stalker ran off, but I was shocked and surprisingly pleased to see him at a near by café. It was such fortunate luck, a twist of fate for my benefit. I was not about to let that pass me by, while we talked, his blush changed into fifty shades of bright red. I couldn't help, but lean over and steal a kiss. He ran off, but obviously everything worked out. Because here he is, fast asleep on my couch. He appears like he's hibernating, as I lift his light, delicate frame, carefully placing him on the bed. Removing any garments, putting love monkey under the covers. Repeating the process for myself for the cloth on my body, then sliding under the covers joining him. Grateful for the delay, for the up coming " talk" that I was not looking forward to. Until then I was more then content to hold him in my arms, basking in each others warmth, as the sandman took me away._

* * *

_Next morning, I awoke to find my cuddly teddy bear still fast asleep in my arms. Carefully, slipping away to make coffee and breakfast, for when the sleeping beauty woke up. No matter how much I dread the upcoming " talk," i still want to offer all that I am. Because no matter what happens, I still love him and I severely doubt that could possibly change._

_As I hear rustling of sheets and a comforter, followed by panda bears bare feet colliding with the cold, hard wood floors. After passing through the corridor, coming into view. The completion in darlin's checks is so much better, guess he just needed some rest, and probably some food as well. One of the main reasons I made breakfast, cause I don't normally myself. Joining me in the kitchen, wrapping his arms around my waist. Well half way, sweeties arms are only so long._

" Good morning, I'm sorry I fell asleep. I don't know what came over me."

_Turning around to meet his line of sight, pumpkins features are sincere. Within the next few moments I am confused mixed with shock and aw. Can't you just make a clean break. I can't handle this half hearted farewell_.

" Is something the matter?"

_Guess I have to play along_.

" No, of course not. I'm just surprised your already up, that's all."_Forcing myself to smile, sure that it wasn't reaching my eyes. Reminding myself it's about him, and not me_. " I made breakfast, along with coffee, help yourself. The we can have that talk you wanted." _I knew it, just by mentioning that earlier, he wanted to have the " talk," he looks uneasy. Again Kou, it's not about you, I'm doing what cuddle bear needs, before myself, before my needs._

'** Well, someone doesn't miss a beat, now do they?!**?'

" Wow, is there nothing you can't do? Your so amazing, thanks. I'm starving, my author didn't meet their deadline... AGAIN! I mean they complain, about us editors gripping. They say their doing there best, then if you are MEET YOUR DEADLINES! So how was your night, did you sleep well?"

" Sounds stressful honey, maybe I can give you a sensual massage later, to relieve some of that. My night was just fine, even better when you surprised me at work. And with you in my arms, I slept better then usual."

_Maybe, just maybe if I continue to remind him how much he means to me, how much I need him, then just maybe he won't leave. After my third cup of coffee, and my darlin' panda finished his plate, he proceeded to wash the dirtied dishes._

**' Maybe you can avoid the conversation all together, lover boy doesn't appear to be pressing the issue. Also, I despise these type of " talks**."

'_ You almost seem afraid. No, besides I have already prolonged this for far to long, no more delays. I have to, or I never will. Kou has proven himself time, and time again. He deserves to know the truth, who am I to deny his right of forewarning.'_

_As Kisa returns from the kitchen, I can't help but feel all my happiness slip away, but the images never fading of my honey bunny walking way, replying itself in my head, over and over again. It's almost more then I can tolerate, but I shall endure, for his sake. _

" So stud muffin, what did you wanna talk about?" _My belles face, it's just so adorable when he blushes, every time he did, he invented a new shade of red. Only hope he didn't hear the strain in my voice._

'** He is certainly persistent little bugger isn't he, what a wonderful creature**.'

_He continues walking, advancing until he right next to me. Sitting in front of me, solum expression masking his features. Lowering his body, into a crisscross position, bowing his head, unable to look up_.

_How should I break this awful awkward silence, no matter what I tell myself, I'm still scared. Every fiber of my being say don't, yet I know for certain it's the right thing to do._

**' I advise that you ignore this line of questioning, and remove the topic of conversation from your mind completely**'

" Kou, I have to tell you something, but I don't know how."

_Well maybe I should just break the ice, it's would be better for everyone to relive pressure_. " Kisa, I know what you wanna tell me."

'** Well then, smexys on top of his game.'**

" You do?"

" Yes, I understand and it's okay. If you don't want to be together anymore, then you don't have to explain."

**' Swing and a major miss. I prematurely assumed him to be intelligent, guess that can't be if he's with you. Nevertheless this it not a normal circumstances, maybe he deserves the benefit of the doubt**.'

" NO, that's not it at all!"

" Then what is it, if you don't wanna break up?"

" Like I said, it's hard explain. Rather difficult to..."

_Wow, I so foolish, I automatically assumed he wanted to leave me. Although that was never the case, well that's relief, so then what is the problem? Slipping my hand in his, the other carefully lifting his chin. Warm tears, steadily streaming down his checks. Brushing dam away with the pad of my thumb, closing the gab between are lips. For a fiery, passionate kiss, as my tongue begs to be welcome in. It's wish granted, are tongues dance together, exploring and mapping territory, marking what's ours. As we separate for air, sliding him onto his back. Laying on top of my panting stud muffin, I say_" Kisa, I'm here for what ever you have to confess, because I love you and because your my scrumptious cupcake. Through thick and thin, with anything in between."

" Remember what I told you, when I was in the hospital? That feeling?"

" Yes, you said that there was a dark, growing void."

" Right, but there's more then that."

_Still on top of my snoocums, absorbing him into my firm, warm embrace. Rubbing circular motions o his back, slowly rocking back and forth. When I felt a warm liquid on my shoulder, only enclosed my arms that much more_. " Aww,shhhh, sweetie. It okay, my not going anywhere." _Attempting to subside his cooing, nothing but loud, violent sobs escaping his lungs_.

" Th- th- there's more."

_He choked out, my sweet angels voice, slowly coming back. Calming with time, as he explains to me what has been plaguing him. Never wavering, I stayed on the floor, as he remained encompassed inside my arms. Throughout the night, I continued to listen to his struggles, allowing the weight on his chest away. As I took the reins, bearing his burden, and unbearable load upon my shoulders. Until he he succumbed to his exhaustion, dosing off in my arms. I thought about moving him to the bed, cause it would certainly help my back, but decided against it. Not wanting to let him go, for even a second_.

My Immortal

I'm so tired of being here  
Suppressed by all my childish fears  
And if you have to leave  
I wish that you would just leave  
'Cause your presence still lingers here  
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase

[Chorus:]  
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
And I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me

You used to captivate me by your resonating light  
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind  
Your face – it haunts my once pleasant dreams  
Your voice – it chased away all the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase

[Chorus]

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
But though you're still with me  
I've been alone all along

[Chorus]

...me, me, me.

- Evanescence


	11. Crying Shame

I search in vane  
For that  
Which does not exist  
Polluting my mind  
Like a growing cyst  
Infected  
No cure  
My death  
No longer obscure  
My future gone  
My end  
Is near  
What shall I do  
With my final tear  
-DNL235

_I never thought that I could face my fears, then conquer them. A weight has been lifted from my chest, I can breath once more. Most importantly I didn't have to do it alone. Kou, has proven himself to being my care bear, big lug and his large comforting embrace. I no longer fear opening up to him, it's liberating knowing there someone I can trust. Also, it's no longer ME against the world, it's US._

_My undesired "friend" remains, he's not very happy either. Having alerted my my lover to his presence, however I could care less about ' IT.' He only offers me a world with bounders and boundaries , a world with only him. I refused.  
Unfortunately his dominance only continues to confine my mind. Over powering me, more and more, with each passing day. I am losing control, I am losing this war; the prize my very being._

**' I assure you, I have just begun. I will inflect the pain I've endured, tenfold. And only when you begging to die, only when I am done with you, will I grant your wish. Because you will desperately desire it. For I am merciful, for I am forgiving. And I will end your miserable existence.'**

_Yes, he's been doing that quit a bit lately. Very full of himself, pompous, arrogant, demented non-carpouryal idiot. Nonetheless, his threat s are far from empty. Furthermore, his claims have merit, but I continue to refuse to surrender.  
I have be contemplating multiple options, but I'm afraid only one might be of any affect. I remain ever so cautious, only wanting rouse this option Asa last resort, but I maybe at my wits end. No matter how much doubt i had, before my confession, it's only furthered and strengthened my trust in Kou. I still did not keep him apprized of the possible options._

**' Well aren't you such a hypocritical peasant. Kou, royalty, you the rubbish beneath his feet**.'

_There are still something's I must continue to do on my own, this is one of those things. I can't allow him to take control of my decision. He would be rash, and overzealous to ensure me safety, while supporting me... LITERALLY. He would carry me around like some miniature dog, or worse an accessory_.

'** Marvelous idea, vivid image of you as a puddle, in a toté across his shoulder... PRICELESS**!'

_' Im still ignoring you, so shut up.'_

_As I was saying, before I was rudely interrupted.  
With his impute I would become bias, I can't afford to make a wrong decision. Not something this important, not vital to my very existence, not this late in the game. I don't have enough to pay the outrageous fee, if/ when I should fail_.

'** I assure you, you WILL**.'

_As I slowly all forward, closer, closing the gaping chasm between me, and my only actual option for success. I don't necessarily fear what I must do, on the contrary, it more of a certainty of I must do, what's to come. Automatic doors open, crossing the threshold into sanctuary. Following signs directing me to a wide passage, looking at a directory, clumsily placed. Nearly in the very center of the walkway. Finding my desired destination, entering the elevator. Pressing down on a chrome, polished button, for the coordinates to my quests location_.

_As the elevator holts, a piercing dings, rings out altering me, having reached my floor. As I continue to follow signs and arrows, until making my way to a front desk. The clerk, has a pinch extra inch of fiery ginger hair passing her delicate shoulders. Accompanied with a conservative dark silver/coal blouse, treating to burst open. All except the very top, for it remained unbuttoned._

**' OH, momma. Her décolletage is rather stunning view. I wonder if she's a strumpet, and how does she feel about ménage à trois.'**

'_ Is your penchant for woman that fearsome, you chauvinistic pig.'_

**' I cannot help it, red-heads are my weakness. Then she has adorable freckles strewn across her rosy checks. It's to much.'**

" Hello Sir, how can I help you?"

_She seems to have an accent that I am unfamiliar with, and can't place. Shame she is pretty, but I have Kou, and I'm gay_.

" Checking in."

_A shocked expression crosses her features, as her cheeks turn scarlet. I suppose my comment must have startled her._

**' Why wouldn't she be? I mean why would you ever want to be rid of me. I am the sweetness to your coffee, the sunshine on your wonderful days. I am just so chipper and magnificent**.'

_' What ever you say.'_

'** Don't roll those eyes at me or rather at my comments**.'

_When she stands, I get a better view of her hourglass figure. Her her dark grey blouse paired, with a charcoal black skirt with obsidian pumps, to complete the outfit. Coming around her half circular desk. Succulent hips swaying as she waves her delicate, slender arms for me to follow_.

'_ Pick you jaw off the floor._'

**' But it's just to tempting to grab her curvaceous pelvis and bend her over that desk. Give her a good rogering, as she cries out in ecstasy. Down boy**.'

" This way please Sir."

'_ To late.'_

'** Hmm, maybe your straight after all. GRAB that ass**.'

'_ Ri-ight, I'll keep that in mind_'

_As I trailed behind the attractive ginger, the only surrounding environment I took in was the warn, marbled carpeted floor. I didn't really want to absorb where is was, or what I was doing. If I did, I would most likly high tail it out of there, so I just continued to stare at the floor. Constantly trying to ignore the blank alabaster walls, enticing me in. Closing in on me, the further I ventured on. Even though I refused to look raise my head, yet still noticing two large men follow a fare distance behind_.

_The ginger halted in front of a thick meal door, surprising me. Before I knew what I was going on, nearly crashing right into her back. Hands landing firmly, touching her rear end. I quickly removed my hands, murmuring words of apology_.

**' Fabulous, old boy, may be there's hope for you yet. I doubt she would have any desire to screw you now, but hey who knows. She was giving you the eye, may be she thinks your cute. Don't let me me stand in your way, go pop that cherry. I demand I full performance of wrestling in the sheets**.'

_Stepping back, much further away, to ensure that's history would not repeat it's self. She pressed a button, on a intercom attached to the wall. Then participates in some " girl talk," until the enormous meal door swings open opened to reveal a spacious enclosure. Continuing as the carpet shifts to a ragged pallid green_.

**' What an atrocious pigmentation. Your completion is nearly a deathly hue, rivaling that of this livid carpet, it's wonderful. Don't die, I'd detest for you to take away all the fun I have in store.**'

_I carefully tap the gingers shoulder, causing her to nearly jump from her skin, recomposing herself, while turning around_.

" I need to make a phone call."

Faith

Well I guess it would be nice  
If I could touch your body  
I know not everybody  
Has got a body like you

But I've got to think twice  
Before I give my heart away  
And I know all the games you play  
Because I play them too

Oh but I  
Need some time off from that emotion  
Time to pick my heart up off the floor  
And when that love comes down  
Without devotion  
Well it takes a strong man baby  
But I'm showing you the door

'Cause I gotta have faith...

Baby  
I know you're asking me to stay  
Say please, please, please, don't go away  
You say I'm giving you the blues  
Maybe  
You mean every word you say  
Can't help but think of yesterday  
And another who tied me down to loverboy rules

Before this river  
Becomes an ocean  
Before you throw my heart back on the floor  
Oh baby I reconsider  
My foolish notion  
Well I need someone to hold me  
But I'll wait for something more

Yes I've got to have faith...

- George Michael


	12. Undeciphered Code

Cryptic code  
I cannot solve  
Hidden puzzle  
That won't dissolve  
Lost in translation  
With no representation  
To spread the word  
That can't be heard  
No course to illuminate the source  
Enlightenment  
On obscure thought  
Belittled by your rancid core  
Mystic forces  
Knowing exactly what your looking for  
Ye' shall find within  
The audience of which you seek  
Do not renounce  
Thee beckoning call  
Because  
The gate keeper  
Holds all  
-DNL235

_What a long day, to bad Kisa isn't here. I miss my darlin' angel, wish he was here to keep me warm tonight or rather to keep each other warm with some naked wrestling. It would certainly keep the blood pumping. I'm such a naughty boy, no matter how much he denies it, so is my teddy. He's so embarrassed sometimes, it's so adorable when he turns into a tomato from blushing so profusely. There couldn't be a more radiant thing in the world, it must be a unexplored natural wonder.  
As I unlock the front door, a vibrating originates from my pocket. Crossing the threshold, closing the portal and with-drawing the aggravating ring from my pocket. Tapping the necessary button, not recognizing the number. Bringing it to my ear and re-sighting my chant for unknown callers_.

" Hello, Yukina Kou here. May I inquire..." As I am talking I am interrupted by my panda bears voice.

" Kou, it's me... Kisa."

_Derp, of course i know its him, wonder why he would have to tell me. I'm surprised he called, he previously told me he had to work late, but I know his work number and this isn't is... So where is he? Sure I could ask, but he could also tell me, doesn't seem like he's willing too_. " Kisa where are you? What's wrong?" _Losing control of the volume of my voice, as I become worried, frightened of the endless possibilities that could have occurred. What could he have done this time?!_

" I'm at Providence Hospital, but don't worry I'm not hurt or dying. I'm sorry for calling so late, but I need you too come here." His voice wavers in the receiver, Im sure he's scared, but I know better then to ask. Then if he's not hurt... What could it be?

" Kou.. Kou are you still there?"

" Yes honey, I'm on my way. Shouldn't be longer then forty-five minutes."

Beep...Eeepepepeeeep.

_He hung up? He's not hurt, but is in the hospital. After he opened up and told me, I didn't know how to react, except with love. I was confused and who could blame me, it's not an everyday event. Yet determined, to do all that was needed and more.  
Throwing the bag from my shoulder, slamming the door shut behind me. As I dashed down the twenty or so blocks, out of breath but finally reaching automatic double-doors. Nearly running into an elderly couple, in too much of a rush to stop and apologize. Making my way to a directory and hurrying to the nearest elevator. Reaching my floor, as it chimes a high pitch ding to alert me of my arrival_.

_Making my way to a unique half circular desk, maned by a slender ginger haired woman. Fine facial features, forehead covered with curled bangs. From a distance, I would easily mistake them for flame. That's not why I'm here, I'm here to find my love. Walking to the desk, she can't help but stare. You'd think that I'd be accustomed to this, but I've never seen my appeal. Now Kisa, I could see it but me, I seemed average, on the other hand if I looked the way I think I do. I may never have been good enough for my honey-pot. Continuing to gawk as I venture forward, must remember how the ladies feel. Especially since I'm no longer into them like that, I mean how would I tell her that I bat for the other team?_

" Hello, Sir. How may I help you?"

_Poor dear, she thinks she has a chance, mustn't shatter her deepest, darkest fantasies. Might has well charm her a bit_." 'Allo my dear." _Giving my most warm, Prince Charming smile._ " I'm looking for someone." _Wow, her face is only getting more rosy. I must ask Kisa next time why I'm so irresistible. When I asked to find someone, the woman nearly fainted, I hope I didn't give off the wrong idea, or send out the wrong message._

" Of course. Name?"

_As she continued to stare at my unquestionable beauty, I had to stifle a giggle from rising_. " I am looking for a friend. His name is Shouta Kisa." _Her rambling stopped, which I was grateful for. I hadn't been listening to her white noise anyway, I was still aware of it. Her delicate features becoming very stern as she seemed deep in thought, contemplating my request._

" Yes. I remember him from earlier. He so very fortunate to gave such a devoted friend, an attractive one at that."

_I was tempted to burst her bubble, I decide against it. Who I to shatter her dreams_? " Can you take me too him?" _I believe myself to be a man of patience. Even I have my limits, because this woman was trying my last nerve, as she continues to physically flirt with me. Having no desire to bed, her ignore her comes ons, my only concern being my panda bear. FINALLY, reconizging my frustration, briefly halts her endeavors._

" Of course. If you would please follow me."

_Trailing behind her, noting the suffocating passage, it's deathly bright, blinding alabaster walls. Growing tighter, seemingly more cramped the further I venture forward. This woman must have no self-respect or modesty, or have been blinded by these walls. Blatant attempt to sway her hips. If she hasn't gotten the memo that I'm not interested yet, I don't think she ever will. No matter her attractive appearance, she must be an American, would account for the accent. Because she really seemed to believe that i was merely playing hard to get. Reaching a metal blockade. After a brief conversation over intercom, the heavy portal slowly swing open. Revealing a dingy enclosure. These pathetic conditions, the surroundings through my journey to get here where pristine, a mask to conceal the truth of devastating moral decay. The carpet morphed into swampy green mosh pit. A large male nurse coming in are direction, and yes I said MALE nurse. A hulk size beefy guy, now following him to a ajar door. Rushing forward, hearing a distinct and familiar weeping. Barging in, seeing a middle-aged woman trying to console my honey-bunches-of-oats. Barely taking in the fresh and old streams of tears, dashing to his side while pulling him into my arms. Rubbing circular motions on his back, him sniffling against my chest as I comfort him. Giving the evil eye to the woman across the table, as she try to convince me she did nothing to warrant my glare. Cries dying down, pulling his face from my chest, wiping his tears away._

_In the most soothing coo possible ask,_" what's wrong? What happened?" _Opening his mouth, then clapping it shut again unable to speak. Is it do terrible that he can't even tell me? Looking to the hag for any possible information._

" I am Lisa Slivermane, and I am the on duty Psychiatrist." _Looking over to my Winnie-the- Pooh-Bear for confirmation, nodding his head, then she resumes_." And I am handling your partners case."

" What do you mean his case, what's wrong?" _Frustration taking over, consuming my self-control. _

" Kisa checked himself in, under normal circumstances it would have taken a matter of weeks but he was very forthcoming. With that I was able to speed up the process."

" Okay, with all that, what's wrong?"

" It is evident with his paranoia, distorted interpretation of reality, resulting in the hallucinations, delusions, disordered thinking and behavior. Also with his severe emotional, behavioral problems and gradually worsening with time pushing toward suicide. I am sure you have been told or noticed his trouble sleeping, concentrating. Withdrawing from social events, false beliefs and hearing voices."

" Your purposely avoiding the question, what's wrong." _Raising the volume of my voice another octave._

" Excuse me Mr. Yukina, I was getting to that." _She take a shaky deep breath, then sighs._ " Kisa has schizophrenia. With medication it can be managed, but there no cure."

_Absorbing the power of her words, no wonder he couldn't explain on the phone. If it affects me this much, I can only imagine how pooh-bear feels._

" K-k-kou..." _Kisa voice dying out as he begins to violently thrash and shake in my arms._

" Hold him still." _Shouting at me, more interested in my love I obey. Then whispering under her breath, most likely to herself but I could still hear._ " This is unexpected. Johnson get a gurney." _The large male nurse dashes down the hall leaving me holding Kisa. As my convulsing honey-bunches-of-oats drifts into unconsciousness, I am filled with a indescribable dread and terrible fear._

_WHATS WRONG NOW?_


	13. Hidden Truth

Not everything  
Is always  
As it seems  
The truth is not visible  
Nor is it clean  
You try  
But fail to wash away  
The pain you feel  
That seems so unreal  
You desperately cling  
To what you know  
While you cry  
You only wish to die  
Old is known  
New is not  
It's hard to understand  
If not in the heart  
For the brain  
Can be fooled  
An aid to the cruel  
That only wish to trick you  
Slipping you into the dark  
But the heart  
Is a type of art  
That can only be understood  
Apart from that  
Which can be used as a tool  
Against you  
- DNL235

- Kisa -

_Hearing beeping of monitors, opening my eyes to a blinding light. Familiar unsettling feeling of déjà vu, as I realize why. I'm in a hospital room, again. Ive been to the hospital more this year then the rest of my life. Overcoming the overwhelming flash of light to my sight, rapidly blinking. Seeing a figure in the corner, Kou is fast asleep. He's so cute, he came last night, yet I don't remember much after that..._

'** Do you not remember or do you refuse too?'**

_I can recall Dr. Slivermane telling me that I have schizophrenia, but it still hasn't really sunk in. It one of those earth shattering revelations. Then again, no matter how much medication changes ones brain chemistry, it doesn't change the perception on life. I guess that explains you_.

'** Are you so sure?'**

' _YES_'

'** Do you truly believe it fits so well. Seems convenient to me**.'

_' There's no other explanation, nothing else that explains every thing. Until something else does then yes, I believe it to be true_.'

_As I am discussing the uncertain possibility of my mental illness with myself, as the door slowly swings open. A fairly tall, middle-aged man walks in shutting the door behind himself. Dress shirt and tie, unshaven five-o'clock shadow and short unkept curly auburn locks. Kou stirring in his chair..._

- Kou -

_Waking up to a opening door to see a aged man. Black slacks, with a white dress shirt and cobalt tie. He appears very weary, needs a shave and a grim expression contorting his features. I hope it isn't about my cuddly bear_.

" Good, both of you are awake. It will be easier and quicker to explain everything only once." _Kisa awake, looking over seeing that he is and has a scared demeanor. WAIT... What does he have to explain? I pull the chair over to my snuggle muffins bedside, taking his hand in mine._

" I am doctor Gregory Sharp, and while you where unconscious Mr. Shouta. We took a few scans, a CT and MRI to be exact. I discussed with Dr. Slivermane and her previous diagnosis of schizophrenia is incorrect. Seizures are not among those symptoms. Do you have a history of epilepsy or abuse?"

" Yes, I do."

_When he told me about the voice, he also told me his history. Even though I know, it's still burns hearing the confirmation. After being born, Kisa was abandoned on the porch of an orphanage. Luckily he was adopted only six years later. Unfortunately not into the most loving of households. Treated as an objected, he was used for physical labor, sexual activity and often beaten when his captures would get bored, or drunken fits of rage. They did so much to him already, he doesn't deserve more._

" Could you please elaborate." _His voice was steady, yet warm with care. Probably years on experience to fake sympathy._

" Abuse"

" I see, and was any damage localized to your cranium?"

_Looking down at his own lap, palms sweating_.

" Why must you know?" _Teddies voice low, and unsteady, cracking with ever word._

" Because there are different types. This type of seizure arises from abnormal electrical activity in the temporal lobe on one or both sides of the brain. About half of the patients have partial seizures, meaning the seizure does not evolve trembling of limbs or a tonic clonic seizure. They have a characteristic pattern, occurring because of scarring or other damage to the temporal lobe of the brain. Sir, if you have, then I must know." _He's seems too demanding, can't he see that my love is struggling!_

" Yes."

_Sharp didn't ask for more, just nodded his head. I'm certain this isn't his first time hearing such things but he could at least pretend to be fazed. A human being was used in vile acts, abused and he just nodded._

" Well the results are in, and there is a large mass in your Temporal Lobe Mr. Shouta. It's explains your hallucinations, the seizure. Well it explains everything, you were misdiagnosed because schizophrenia does explain everything and without a head scan its untraceable."

_He stops talking, i look over to see water droplets fall on to the sheets. Grabbing him, pulling him to my chest, embracing his shivering frame. I can't help but wonder, what if this is the end..._

- Kisa -

_Kou climbs onto the bed next to me, pulling me to his chest. I don't struggle or refuse like I normally, no now I just want to held by my lover. I feel so safe in his tight embrace, yet terrified. I'm so lost... Why do I deserve this too. I would think being repeatedly raped with pipes and beaten that I would become asexual, but I couldn't deny Kou. I also could only hide for so long until I had to admit the truth... I LOVE HIM. Now the likely hood of living for much longer is slim to none. _

_Removing my head from its shelter, trying to speak but fail. My grip on Kou's hand becoming firmer. Most likely knowing what I wanted to say, he pipes up for me._

" How do we proceed from here?" _He's always known what I needed, it's one of the reason I love him so much._

" The best course of action is to operate. I will let you two discus amongst yourselves. When you make up your mind, the sooner the better."

_Exiting, as he entered, burrowing deeper into Kou's chest. It all makes sense now, maybe I was only meant to be happy for so long. The again, least I had the chance to be, if only once._

**' I told you to be aware of your false reality, you refused to listen. Good things may come to those who wait, but this isn't one of those times. And it's not your good fortune, it's mine. You see I have been waiting, growing all this time and now it's time to say good-bye**.'

'_ Maybe, but let please give me just a little bit more time_.'

**' I've waited this long, I can wait awhile longer but only so long, my patience wears thin.'**

" Kisa, honey what do you wanna do?"

_Shaking my head against his chest. I never want to leave his comforting warmth, enveloping me but I know that I must. I must continue to fight, for the sake of us and are future._

" I need to do it."

" I figured as much, and I will be here when you wake up."

_As his soft delectable lips brush against mine, I am rejuvenated once more, filled to the brim with courage.  
_  
_" Good-bye, my love." The last thing I said to Kou, before being rolled down a passage on a gurney to my only hope for salvation. I wouldn't want that to be are last kiss, there's so much more I need to tell him and I only hope that I get the chance to. That I have time to shout my love from the rooftops._

_Pushed trough a set of double doors, transferred to another bed or rather the operating table. An anesthetist places a mask on my face, ask to count backwards from ten, obeying..._

_10... My last wish, My final desire_

_9... To say goodbye, to the man_

_8... Form which I was inspired_

_7... He whom brought me_

_6... From the precipice, and the abyss below_

_5... Furthermore my eternal bliss_

_4... I was so fortunate because, he saved my soul_

_3... With his kiss_

_2... No longer filled with darkness_

_1... So goodbye.. My love, with all my fears and my unlikely final wish that falls upon deaf ears._

_Until my vision goes black..._

- Kou -

_It has been hours since they took him to surgery, I haven't wanted to dare look at the clock ticking away for the exact amount of time. At the same time, the longer it takes the better, means there still working... More importantly meaning he's still very much alive, which is all that matters. Shoved from my thoughts as a pair of shoes enter my line of view. Raising my head, looking into his cold, frozen over sea blue eyes._

" Would you like to know now or later?"

" Now!"

" We where able to get to the mass, but during the operation he had another seizure. With his skullcap open and his brain exposed. His brains began to swell and we were unable too prevent it. Mr. Shouta has irreversible brain damage, he would have been a vegetable."

" What do you mean, " would" be?"

" I mean that he flat lined, but before his surgery he had signed a DNR, we could not preform any extreme measures."

" WHAT IS A DNR? WHAT EXTREME MEASURES? DO YOU MEAN KEEPING HIM ALIVE?" _I didn't care about the stares I was receiving, only the fact that he was not saying what I wanted to hear._

" DNR is an acronym, it stands for do not resuscitate. I'm sorry to inform you he did not survive."

" Kisa's... GONE."

" If you need to see a grief counselor we can provide one for you, if you need to discus your tragic loss. Is there any one yo..."

" LEAVE!" _I don't care what he's has to say. Sometime I had stood while shouting, sliding against the wall, down to the floor. Pulling my knees to my chest, Turing into a human ball. That must me a sick joke, or even better a mistake. I glanced at his face once more, I was greeted with a cold deadpan features. Luckily he understood and walked away... Before I could get passed shock and reach homicidal rage. The harshness and reality of his words sinks in, as everything comes crashing down around me. MY love, MY Winnie-the-pooh-bear, MY world, the air I breath. I would no longer be able to hold in my arms at night, after making love._

_So how do I continue?_

_How do I live, with out him to complete me?_

_How can I ever possibly go on, with out my other half?_

_I don't know if I can ever answer these questions. They say time heals all wounds, yet not these. The real question is... Will I live long enough to fine out?_

* * *

**Dear readers of the fanfic Crimson Clover, I say this with a heavy heart, but this is the final chapter. It has been a pleasure writing for you all, before you wish me a horrible demise, please know that an epilogue can be done. Any thoughts or questions, please review, blunt honesty is always preferred.**

**Truly Yours,  
- DNL235**


	14. Reuniting Of Soul Mates( Epilogue)

To my one and only  
My dearest and divine  
Your beauty outweighs,  
Any fine wine  
None compare to thee  
Not even Aphrodite  
Your rivals...none  
For they cannot compete,  
Out matched  
By your pure sincerity  
You reap, what you sow  
Darling, I'm sure you know  
My heart beats for,  
Only one  
And the only one  
Is thee  
So please be mine  
For all eternity  
- DNL235

After forty-tthree long years of patience, lays the last surviving member, of a partnership that has stood against the testament of time and laughed, a love that transcends time.

On his death bed, Yukina Kou, struggles to breath, having denied assistant care. His patience has worn thin, he's tired of waiting and ready for what's to come.

Welcoming the end of this life, and the beginning of another.

Hoping to be reunited with a love that never burned out, a spark, a passion, a flame that refused to be extinguished. No matter the adversity, or the cruel hands dealt, that fate laid before him, he took it all will open arms.

Closing his eyes, as the beeping of the monitors dies away. Floating from his body, leaving the useless carcass behind. Looking forward, up to the bright tunnel of light ahead. Feeling a warmth, that has been missing, a warmth he's longed for and held on to, desperately hoping for a over due, missed embrace.

- Heaven -

Beyond words, he dashes forward, grin slowly taking over his features. Whispering to himself " I guess i made you soar, after all."

" Whats that?" Inquires the man.

" Nothing, I have you, that's all I need." Grabbing the man, pulling him into a tight embrace.

The shocked man returns his embrace, " I've missed you, but your now here my angel. Here in..."

Cutting him off " I know where I am you idiot. I'm with you, nothing else matters."

Grabbing the mans hands, responds " Kisa, I should have followed you, sooner then now. I'm so sorry, can you ever forgive me? I made you wait far to long, a burning in my soul. Everyday we were apart, clinging to the vague notion of begin together again, if only to see your gorgeous face one more. I would be content, but I fooled myself, I need more then just a day, but forever, with you. Im nothing with out you, I'm not complete with out you. I promised myself that i would be whatever you wanted, whatever you needed. Most importantly to be by your side, through all the troubles, and tribulations, but I failed you. And I'm sorry, still with all that, after all that. I've only yearned to see you, be with you, to love you."

Tears streaming down his cheeks, unable to look the man in front of him in the eyes. Until a delicate, warm, cozy hands lifts his chin. Wiping away his tears, cradling his face in their hands.

" No my love, we have eternity." Yukina lifts his lovers chin, mirroring his lover, planting a ferocious, passionate kiss upon his lips.

Wrapped in each others arms, they ascend sky ward, landing upon a soft, fluffy cloud.

" You know, I have had the desire to ravage you for the passed forty-three years." His features revealing nothing but pride and lust for the man of his dreams.

" Really?" Teasing his lover, while tearing open his shirt, buttons popping off, falling from the heavens.

" Wh- what are you..." Unable to continue speaking, moans taking over.  
As Kisa crawled over and began kissing his lovers neck. Dragging his tongue to a pleasure cluster of nerves on one of his lover pectorals.

" Full-filling your desires, hopes, dreams and fantasies, along with indulging myself in all that is you. How can I stop now?" He whispers seductively in Kou's ear, then returns to pleasuring his partner.

Pausing between moans, Kou tries talking to his overzealous lover.

" K- Kisa." Words escaping the man as he becomes even more aroused, by the irresistible pleasure.

" My dear, time for talking is later, let me hear your symphony of moans, while we make love. Because I can't speak for you, but I've missed your warmth by my side."

Yukina grabs Shouta, embracing him. " My only desire was to reunited with YOU, all I hunger for is YOU. While we where apart, my love never diminished, even if you where MIA.

Yukina plants a passionate kids, lips merging, tongues twisting together, interlocking.

Kou ripping apart the garment covering his lover. Removing his lips, placing them on Kisa's neck. Along with delicate, moist kisses, cascading down. Causing the body in his arms to twitch and jerk, shuttering partnered with moans between gasps.

Yukina sliding his hand toward its destination, reaching Kisa's hardening private region. Gasps and pants escaping Shouta's throat, unable to contain himself.

Feeling the fast growing arousal, groping, unbuttoning, then sliding the pants off.

Rubbing the area, only a thin layer of cloth in his way, more gasps and moans leaving his lovers lungs. Growing in volume and intensity. Kou, himself pleased, growing in arousal.

Kisa shoves him off, leaping on top of him. Surprising him with a rushed kiss, dragging his tongue the length of his partners torso.

Unfastening the front button, tearing open the zipper. Pulling off both trousers and under garment with his teeth.

His lovers hard organ, saluting in attention. Stroking the shaft, licking the head. Kou buckling in his grasp, panting heavily. Loud moans flying from his lips.

Coming deep in his partners throat, Kisa swallowing the delicious nectar.

Rejoining lips, Yukina pausing, licking his fingers. Replacing his lips, laying on top of his teddies body. Exploring his partners entrance, one finger at a time.

Kisa trembling underneath Kou's large, glistening body. Pleasurable moaning ringing out, louder, as Yukina's exploration goes further, deeper.

Kisa shuttering, close to exploding as Kou's exploring unearths his spot, hitting it.

Kou slowly penetrating his lovers entrance, delicately gyrating his pelvis. Shouta screaming in pleasure, have hitting his lover cluster of nerves.

" Y- y- yes. There... There." Deafeningly crying out once more, spraying his lover with opaque strings of fluids.

Kou drilling his lover, deeper, harder. Until hitting his climax, yelling out in pleasure. Collapsing over his partner. Both panting, relearning how to breath again.

Ignoring the sticky liquid on his chest, embraces his shuttering lovers, tiny frame. Both overcome with excitement, interlocking legs.

" Let's do that again," recovering from earlier events, more then ready for round two. Yukina's features painted with lust, desire, and longing.

" Darling, we have all eternity, it's a long time. Lets wait, I'm exhausted, lets just snuggle and cuddle together.

" Okay, your my love monkey. I can wait, for now."

Kisa blushes at the embarrassing name, burrowing his face in his lovers chest.

Disregarding their nudeness, enveloped in each other. From now on nothing in their way, no longer needing to wait, no longer having to hope for what could be. Having overcome the many obstacles, each and every challenge to be together.

Finally reaching pure joy and love, a future filled of happiness with each other. Having passed beyond the darkness, with nothing but a brighter tomorrow waiting.

Invisible Sun

(One, two, three, four, five, six  
Oh oh oh oh oh oh)

I don't want to spend the rest of my life  
Looking at the barrel of an Armalite  
I don't want to spend the rest of my days  
Keeping out of trouble like the soldiers say  
I don't want to spend my time in hell  
Looking at the walls of a prison cell  
I don't ever want to play the part  
Of a statistic on a government chart

There has to be an invisible sun  
It gives its heat to everyone  
There has to be an invisible sun  
That gives us hope when the whole day's done

It's dark all day and it glows all night  
Factory smoke and acetylene light  
I face the day with me head caved in  
Looking like something that the cat brought in

There has to be an invisible sun  
It gives its heat to everyone  
There has to be an invisible sun  
That gives us hope when the whole day's done

And they're only going to change this place  
By killing everybody in the human race  
They would kill me for a cigarette  
But I don't even wanna die just yet

There has to be an invisible sun  
It gives its heat to everyone  
There has to be an invisible sun  
That gives us hope when the whole day's done

(Oh oh oh oh oh oh...)

- The Police


End file.
